


Things We Lost in The Fire

by emquin



Series: Season 6 Reaction Fics [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Season 6 Reaction fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-13
Updated: 2015-01-13
Packaged: 2018-03-07 11:06:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3172182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emquin/pseuds/emquin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A reaction fic for the premiere of season 6. This is my look at Kurt after the Scandals scene.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things We Lost in The Fire

**Author's Note:**

> After reading a bunch of fics that explored the head space of Kurt and Blaine while at Scandals and even writing one (which will be posted later today) I thought about what happens right after for each of the boys, this is Kurt's side of things. (Blaine's will be up in a few minutes.) Also as a side note...I'm not entire happy with these but felt like they needed to be posted. 
> 
> The title comes from a Bastille song which is sorta fitting and one of the songs I was listening to while writing this.

It was unusual, completely unexpected, and wholly unwelcome, but as Kurt lay on Rachel’s bed after leaving Scandals, he coudn’t quite get himself to blame Blaine. There’s been enough placement of blame in their relationship. The first break up was full of it. Blame on Blaine for cheating, on Kurt for not paying Blaine enough attention. Then, of course, all of their arguments. Kurt not letting Blaine have space in the loft, Blaine’s need to be constantly near Kurt, Blaine’s insecurities about his body and his abilities, and then June picking Blaine and Blaine’s lies about it. Later, it had been little things: toothpaste, grocery shopping, the dishes, laundry, any quirk that could be irritating enough. The wedding planning had just fallen right into the middle of it until it became just another fighting point. There had been so much it was no wonder everything had just fallen apart. 

The point of it was, that pointing fingers would get them nowhere. They were both to blame, equally at fault for all of it. 

“Here, I brought ice cream. I also put a frozen pizza in the oven.”

Kurt smiled gratefully at Rachel as he sat up in her bed, scooting back against her headboard. He had missed her dearly in the months they’d been apart. For a while Kurt had been mad at Rachel when she hadn’t even tried to contact him when her life started to fall apart, as if Kurt wasn’t her best friend and he couldn’t have been her shoulder to cry on. Then, she hadn’t showed up on that corner. None of them had. 

He had gone straight to Rachel’s house from Scandals after telling Blaine and Karofsky that he wasn’t feeling too well. 

She had taken him inside and sent him straight to her room, knowing just from a glance at him that nothing had gone right. He should have seen this coming. Things had never been easy for Kurt and there was no reason for this to be. 

“What happened?” Rachel asked. 

Kurt closed his eyes. “Did you know he’s dating David Karofsky?” 

“No,” Rachel said and gasped, “he failed to mention that.”

Kurt had figured as much. Blaine had told him that he wanted to tell Kurt in person. He probably hadn’t wanted Kurt to hear it from Rachel or anyone else either. Somehow, Kurt thought that he would have preferred it that way. It would have been a warning, something to lessen the blow of seeing Dave Karofksy walk up to him and Blaine and kiss Blaine’s cheek like it was the most normal thing for him to do in the world. 

“Did anyone know?” Kurt asked, “I mean, did he bother to let anyone know about it?” 

“I don’t know,” Rachel said earnestly, “maybe Sam.”

In the end it didn’t matter, because Kurt had no reason to be mad. Blaine had been free to do whatever he wanted. They had broken up, and it had all been Kurt’s fault and Kurt couldn’t be angry that Blaine had gone and gotten himself a new boyfriend because in the end it was exactly what Kurt had been trying to do for weeks. Except that Kurt had failed. Kurt had compared each and every guy he met to Blaine and he just hadn’t been able to connect with any of them. 

“So, he just told you he was dating Karofsky” Rachel said.

Kurt nodded, filling her in. He was getting emotional just talking about it. So once he was done, telling Rachel about how he’d broken down in the bathroom and excused himself by pretending that she had called him, Kurt grabbed the ice cream Rachel had brought him and started eating. 

Rachel wrapped her arms around his waist, leaning into him and Kurt leaned right back into her. 

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know,” Kurt whispered. 

He had spent more than ten minutes sitting on the floor of a bathroom stall at Scandals. The floor had been gross, sticky and wet with questionable stains and dirt. The wall he leaned against had not been much better. But none of those things, not the smell or the sounds coming from the other stalls had been enough to even try and deter his breakdown. 

The emotion had needed to be felt. His tears had needed to come out. Kurt would have been damned if he let Blaine, or worse Karofsky, witness to it. To the despair and hopelessness that had overcome him and needed so much to be let out that the pain blossoming in his heart had practically been physical. 

“You said you wanted to win him back,” Rachel reminded him, “that he was the love of your life. You can’t give up yet.”

It wasn’t about giving up. It wasn’t even about admitting that maybe he and Blaine just weren’t meant to be. It was about respecting Blaine and respecting his choices and being an adult despite how much it might pain him. 

“I love him,” he whispered between spoons of ice cream, “but it’s not like he doesn’t know that. I told him, Rach, I told him I was here to get him back and he told me he was seeing someone else. I messed up. I blew it and he’s moved on and there’s nothing I can do to change that.”

Rachel hugged him tighter and he felt like he might start crying again. It was like the very universe didn’t want them together. Like all the steps he had taken to realize his mistakes and make himself better, all the time that he’d spent sitting in a chair across from his therapist learning about himself and figuring out where things had gone wrong were for nothing. Like it all didn’t matter. 

He had made the biggest mistake in his life. 

“I was so horrible to him,” he whispered.

“Tonight?” Rachel asked. 

Kurt shook his head. “In New York. I just kept trying to fix everything and failing and blaming him for everything. I never bothered to see that it was my fault too. I was so stupid and then I just went and yelled at him. I couldn’t stop myself. The words were just coming out.” 

I will never forgive you for this.

His therapist had warned him. They had talked about Blaine often enough, and she had told him it wasn’t going to be easy and that he certainly couldn’t rush it. That had been their problem the first time and probably every time they fought after they got back together. 

They had put band-aids all over their relationship, and it had all been wrong since the last break up because nothing had been resolved. Yes, Kurt had forgiven Blaine for cheating. They were long past that. The problem was that in order to go forward they had never even paused to really discuss what had put them in the situation in the first place. They had just been so eager to be back together. It had been relief to find each other again, and the proposal had been exciting and magical and romantic and in those moments nothing could have been wrong except that everything had just been pushed to the background until they had no choice but to acknowledge it and even that they had done wrong. 

Kurt had been too hasty to blame Blaine, and Kurt could still remember how Blaine’s response had been to ask what he had done wrong. Even Blaine had blamed himself. 

The oven timer made a noise. 

“That’ll be the pizza,” Rachel said, “I’ll be right back.” 

The rest of the night, Rachel tried to cheer him up by talking about glee club and steering away from the topic of Blaine which was hard when considering the fact that Blaine would be coaching the Warblers, their competition. 

Kurt had the awful feeling that things were only going to get worse before they got better, but maybe it was the path he needed to take in order to get everything back on track. He had returned to Ohio to get Blaine back and it was exactly what he intended to do.


End file.
